"Everybody knows how to raise children - Except the people that have them" PJR

I never realized how anti-routine Shaun and I were until Sully came along. We've spent almost a decade doing whatever we wanted whenever we wanted, to no real schedules of our owns.

Its been a struggle, but we've been trying really hard to get Sully into a "real" routine now that he's starting to get a little bigger and sleeping more consistently through the night. Unfortunately for us, that means after 8:00 pm, no more going out and about - at least with a baby in tow. Its a huge change, but we're learning to adjust. We go out for a family walk when Shaun gets home for work and then have dinner, usually. Dinner time is now followed by a bath and then quiet play, a book and then bed ... where my child willingly and quietly falls into a night time slumber.

Yeh
friggen
right.

More like screams his head off at pitches I was pretty sure only a dog could hear.

Did I mention he's also learned to roll out of his positioner and will now crawl around his crib, while howling, until he's able to find a space between the bumper and the crib to peer out of - find you - and scream like he's on fire?

There are aspects of attached-parenting that I find Shaun and I tend to gravitate towards naturally. I also think though, there are benefits of a child learning to put them self to sleep. I've practiced CIO (The cry-it-out method aka Ferber Method) on children I've been a nanny to in the past, and I think it works. Don't get me wrong - I hate hearing babies scream, but I also know through experience that it eventually gets better, lessens a little more each night, with eventually the crying ceasing all together. So I guess you can say I've learned to tolerate it. Shaun is not a fan of the CIO method, and for the first time since Sully was born, we had our first head-butting of parental philosophy.

Shaun thinks its cruel and unusual punishment. I have to admit, I was a little surprised by how much of a softy my husband really can be when it comes to his kid. I always thought he would be the one to throw down the law. Slowly, I'm the one emerging as the ball buster of the two - laying down rules and routines. Maybe it's just my personality, maybe its just because through experience, I know how chaotic things can quickly turn without structure. I'm not 100% sure yet.

What I am sure of is that I want something that both of us can feel comfortable with. Shaun doesn't think he should cry himself to sleep and I don't think he should be allowed to determine his own bedtime. We both agree he needs to start learning the skills to comfort himself and ultimately be a better sleeper. I don't think it has to be all or nothing. I never thought something as little as a sleep routine would upset me so much, but it has. I've cried some tears over it - wondering if what I'm doing is right for my child and feeling like I'm forcing Shaun into doing something he doesn't want to, because as he says, I'm the experienced one. I feel so much pressure with that one statement. The experienced one - so if things go south, I need to be the one willing to take responsibility, not us.

I hate being on opposite sides of the fence.

We had another conversation last night about it, after Shaun went to get him out of bed once I had finally put him down - Sully obviously being upset by this act. I tried explaining to Shaun that its not that I don't want to hold him, or cuddle, or sing to him, but after so long of him pulling his pacifier out and laughing or wanting to talk, I need to eventually get the point across that this isn't playtime. Shaun said he just wanted somebody with him because he was lonely. I felt my heart crush into a million pieces. Have I made the wrong choice or am I just feeling guilty? I mean, it doesn't have to be all or nothing, right? Whether I agree or not, I respect my husbands opinion, and ultimately want to find something that we can both feel good about.

I stumbled across some sleeping practices referred to as No Tear methods. They're a self proclaimed middle ground between attachment parenting and CIO. I think starting tonight we'll give it a go. Its essentially what we've been trying to do, but instead of letting him cry it out, we respond immediately, quietly and pick him up until he calms, then place him back to bed. We keep repeating until he eventually falls asleep. It can be an arduous task, often taking numerous repeats throughout the night. I'm willing to try it if it points us in the right direction. I just want it to be something we can both live with and not feel like we're torturing our child in the process.

God this was so much easier when it was other people's kids.

Tourist much?

Daddy dressed Sully for bed last night. While I take claim for placing the socks on him when I was showing my sister what his Halloween outfit for the Pumpkin Patch would look like, Shaun left them on. Everything above the ankles is his doing.

He's one pair of leather strap sandals and a fanny pack away from being german.

Five Months

Since our Sully monster decided to grace us with his presence. Hard to believe. Even on tough days like today (he's sick), when I feel like I may be at my wits end, we have a little tummy time session, and he melts my heart all over again.

Here are some pictures from tummy time today

My beautiful baby boy ...

I love watching you discover new things every day, even something as simple as your toes

Or finding your favorite toy keys like you've never seen them before

Or that you have a tongue that you can be sassy with now

I love how tenacious you are about getting things right, like crawling



And that even when you fall down (figuratively and literally) you always do it with a smile on your face

I cherish your silly sense of humor and raspy giggles


And that you melt hearts everywhere we go.

Happy 5 months Sully - you silly little monster.

I love you.

Night owl

Old habits die hard.

I've spent the past 27 years as a night owl. As a kid, my favorite times of the year were summer when we'd stay up late watching movies, Gilligans Island reruns because it was the only thing on TV and swimming under the stars in our pool. Even during the school months, I'd negotiate my way around bed time. Not even a baby it seems can change old ways.

I've been suffering bouts of insomnia, as recently as this week. It's been making getting through the days in one piece pretty rough. What sucks is that I so look forward to sleeping, but once I get there, I just lay awake, thinking thinking thinking. It doesn't help that lately I've been feeling really anxious, mainly about how busy work has been, trying to juggle work with being a mom and a wife and having a life smashed somewhere in between all of it. I haven't been feeling like I've been doing such a great job keeping all the balls up in the air at the same time. The problem is, which ones do I let drop?

At the advice of my dad, I've taken up trying to drink a glass of wine at night. I get a lot of my personality traits from my dad and his knack for anxiety and being a problematic introvert is no different. I had my first ulcer at 11. My first faint from irregular blood pressure at 17. My first EKG for irregular heart beats at 20. All stress related, every time. The first time in my life that I can remember my blood pressure not being at stroke level was when I was pregnant. Go figure. I'm convinced once work slows down and I have some breathing room, I'll start to feel better, start to get some better rest. Stop being such a cranky, snappy bitch.

I haven't ever been a wine drinker. I gave up drinking almost entirely when we were trying to get pregnant, and can count on one hand the amount of times I've drank since having Sully. Anybody have any good wine suggestions? I'm shooting in the dark. My basis for wine selection is determined by how pretty of a picture is on the label right now. So, help.

At the store looking at the selection for the first time ever

Sam: "We should just get box wine"
Me: "Look we're cheap but we ain't ghetto"

I told my boss yesterday that there is no such thing as a "break". I may have been gone for 4 months on leave, but I've been paying for it twice over every day since I've been back.

To add to the guilt, Sully has been sick for his real first time ever and I've been having some real hard emotional struggles with leaving him. I down right hate it. My mom is wonderful with him and he loves his Meme very much, but it breaks my heart when he's crying tears, sucking his bottom lip in going "Mmmmm ma ma ma". Okay so he doesn't say Mama on purpose, its just two sounds he makes a lot together, especially since he's learned to suck his bottom lip in, but he sounds exactly like Mama, accidentally or not, and it pulls my heart strings every time. My mom has had to kick me out of the house practically the past couple days. I called in sick today - partly because I was so sleep deprived between not sleeping on my own and being up with a sick Sully monster. I ended up going in towards the end of the day once he crashed while my mom sat with him. I couldn't help but think while I was at my office how nice it must be for some moms to only have to worry about their children and just their children - not fretting over time lines and budgets, workshops or meetings, frantic parent phone calls or invoices.

Shaun suggested dinner and a margarita tonight, but I opted to trade my margarita in for a slice of cake instead. This Saturday we've roped the whole family in to a weight lost challenge since it went so well a few years back. We weigh in this Saturday and have until January 1st, winner taking the entire loot. Everyone has been busy coming up with their strategic plans. I'm looking forward to having a light lit under my ass, because honestly, I've been so lazy. I'm tired of excuses, I just need to do it, because I know I can. How long can you really use the excuse "I just had a baby" before it wears out its welcome. It has. Its time for it to leave now. Once and for all.

It looks like we're heading back to Las Vegas. I promise, we don't have an addiction. Well, Shaun doesn't at least. He was the one to suggest it though. Actually my father in law was. Shaun's dad and step-mom would like to meet us in Vegas as soon as we have the time off, so we're planning to head that way in exactly one month, towards the end of October. It'll be fun to see them since they haven't seen Sully since he was about a month. Shaun's step brother is coming this time too, and its possible that my sister and one of her bff's are coming with us again - good times! I'm excited, I love having a reason to travel. It was always a dream of mine and over the years Shaun and I have been lucky enough to see a lot of the states together as well as England, Scotland, Japan and Ireland. We were suppose to be planning a trip to Italy next June before Sully came along (It was our goal to visit a new country every other year). Since that won't be happening for awhile now, we're planning to do as much state side travel as we can - and I love Vegas so why the hell not. We'd love to go to the East coast at some point, and have been talking about a West coast trip up to Canada. I'm hoping we'll be able to get around to seeing my family up north some time early next year as well as visiting TX to see Shaun's fam and some good family friends. I'm excited. Nothing makes me happier than planning trips.

Shaun and I are planning on getting some new tattoos, but more on those when the day actually comes. The wine is starting to kick in anyhow.

Maybe its finally drowning that damn owl if I'm lucky.

Pouter

Sully is learning some great pouting skills. He's becoming quite the sassy little thing.

My computer nerd in training

With so many tech heads in the house, a daddy that has gamed his whole life, web designed and built computers, and a Papa that has been a computer engineer the past 30 years - its any wonder the toy of choice Sully tends to gravitate towards.

One thing Sully really looks forward to is his ritual mornings with his Papa - talking about politics and computers over some coffee. He really loves the damn laptops and its the first thing he'll go to grab if you're near one.

Since he has such an interest, soon as he gets old enough we plan on passing down an old computer system to the little guy. I'd rather him learn how to use things properly when the interest is peaked then constantly be a "no" household. Its the way my folks were with me. I see a lot of myself in Sully in regards to the way he seems to learn - observe and conquer. I want to help promote that the best way that we can. There wasn't much we weren't allowed to try or use in our house growing up, because we used things the right way. I'd rather him be shoving cds into the dvd player than say, crackers. I give props to my dad for not even batting an eye when Sully grabs at the laptop, bangs on the keys, drools all over his cursor and pulls at the wires. I love watching him explain to Sully what everything does, and show him how to load up cartoons on it.

What can I say, we start em early.

Sharing some morning joe

No time for pics! This is serious computer business mom

Oooh a butterfly

Control, alt, delete - Damn!

Can we just get a imac instead?

First family vacation

Vegas was great, went by way too fast. Didn't become millionaires because we obviously came back to our respective jobs, but came back with money in our pockets, so I'll take that as a win.

I give Shaun props for making us take a front pack carrier there and leaving the stroller behind. We watched parents trying to navigate strollers on the strip, through hotels, around escalators while we walked everywhere with ease - Sully strapped to Shaun, his very own little Carlos.

He did awesome on the ride, only losing his shit the last 20 minutes of the drive once Vegas came into sight. He did great on the way home as well, only crying when he was hungry. It gives us hope for future travels. Sam and Jessica had a great 21st bday bash time which involved foreigners, exotic dancing midgets, magicians, some River dancing, karaoke, strangers, giant wheels of fortune, weird tattoo artists, bad taxi rides and lots of alcohol among other things. Shaun and I were able to go out one evening thanks to them and have a nice dinner together, see District 9 and do some gambling for a couple hours. We traded Sully off most the time so I could go out with my sister and so he could lose at craps. Had lunch with the girls and Sully at Margaritaville, where the waitress oogled my baby. Spent a day on the strip and then at Excalibur's arcade where I beat the shit out of a grandma and 12 year old playing the ball toss game to win a stuffed tiger that was worth less than the 6 dollars I blew trying to win him. But we had fun.

First time in, well ever that it wasn't just Shaun and I in our traditional self pic in Vegas. I tried looking for some from the past 9 years of going but they won't be an easy find, so our most recent one will have to do instead. Should have took more pictures, but I didn't. The ones I did take aren't really worth the effort to post to be honest. Oh well.

Heres to my wolf pack. Looking forwards to the next vacation already.

Vegas 2009