I wish the table was square.

I wish a magical moving fairy would come to my rescue.
I wish I didn't feel like I'm in packing hell.
I wish I could find a hue of blue that didn't look like
a robin threw up all over my walls.
I wish my baby didn't have to go to preschool so soon.
I wish I dealt with stress better.
I wish work wasn't so hectic right now.
I wish I didn't have to be at work right now, period.
I wish my husband wasn't working so much all the time
either.
I wish the table was square.
I wish my dog didn't cost me an arm and a leg during the
holidays.
I wish my margarita maker was plugged in. I could really
use a drink right now.
I wish this 5-day-migraine-a-thon would go away.
I wish things were different.
I wish I could sleep soundly.
I wish there was less crying on Christmas and more
laughter.
Next year.
I wish I had got my normal coffee this morning.
I wish my baby boy felt better.
I wish Matthew wasn't dying.
I wish we had answers.
I wish he would just get better.
I'll keep wishing until we have a reason not to.
I wish I understood why.

Better late than never ...

A little sneak to what will be on their way soon. Better late than never right?!

We Heart You Holiday Card

Shop 100s of holiday cards at Shutterfly.

View the entire collection of cards.

If you'd like your own, check them out here

Got Shutterfly?

Smiling

Its nights like these, when I slip my hand under his pillow only to have it met by the cold metal of 3 matchbox cars that he has shoved under it before bed, that I have to smile.

And pinch myself.

Because those hidden treasures of a small boy who loves everything cars and trucks and trains and dirt and wrestling - are everything that I wanted that comes with a boy.

Little girls are great, I imagine - but there is just something undeniably magical about little boys. That glint of trouble that always lays right behind their eyes somewhere between frogs in their pockets and skinned knees with hands full of mud.

And today, when my habitual line stepper leaped in the air off the planters that he was asked to get down from for the 30th time in a row, I cringed a little as his ungraceful exit left his face kissing grass, where I asked him "Did you learn anything?!" ... to which my 19 month old son stood up, with cars still in hand, spit out grass and then yelled back -

"NO!", and did it again.

And I smiled.

And when I sneezed today and he turned his head my way and said "Bless Ju", ( I didn't even know he knew Bless You),

I smiled.

(Okay so thats not really trouble-maker material but it was too freakin' cute to not share.)

And when he screamed "HELP" like he was being murdered and I ran to see what predicament he was in this time, only to find him trying to scale the counter for a bag of cookies, I smiled.

And when I wiped the mud off his face before letting him eat the cookie, because he had been wrestling with three dogs in the dirt and had a hair full of leaves ...

Yeh, I smiled then too.

I don't know why I wanted a boy, or how I knew he was a boy before he was even a boy - mostly luck probably; but he's everything thats messy and mischievous, rambunctious and rowdy, hyper and hysterical - that I imagined, and hoped he would be.

And that, well ...

It makes me smile.

Tis the season for ...

A PAJAMA DRIVE!

Every year my family gets together to brainstorm for our annual holiday adoption. Normally we adopt families and supply them with everything they need for a Christmas dinner, but last year we changed it up with a crazy Christmas toy drive. Children in the community of Moorpark/Simi Valley were the receipents. We gifted our donations to First 5, the non-profit organization where I work, and were able to provide over 50 gifts to children in need in the community.

This year we're keeping it different and fun for us, and have decided to do a pajama drive. Our goal is to put together as many gifts baskets that will include a new set of pajamas, a new blanket and book - for as many babies, toddlers and kids as we possibly can. The jury is still out who we will gift the donations to, but there are talks about First 5 again (there are a lot of families in need this year) or the Ventura Co. Homeless Shelter.

We've had amazing friends in the past who have helped contribute to these drives. Due to the high volume of families in need, we would love any help our friends and family would like to offer. Here is what we will be gathering:

* New girl/boy/unisex pajamas for infants to children 10 years of age.
* New fleece throws (The little cheap ones!)
* Unused/new homemade fleece-tie blankets
* New children's books
* Help with gift wrapping

Even JUST ONE pair of new pajamas or new blanket makes a huge difference to these children. So far we have 15 complete gift sets. We plan on dropping off the Pajama gift sets by December 20th.

If you want to participate, we would love it! Email/text or message me on Facebook if you'd like to join the cause.

Happy Holidays ya all!
The Curtis Clan & Otwell/Stevens Family

Real Conversations III

Stephanie: "Hey babe, you here, its important."

Shaun: "Sorry, I'm here. I might throw up."

Stephanie: "Why? Did you see Rosie ODonnell in cutoffs?"

Shaun: "I was on the 3-D machine, I would rather see that. I had to get it to work, and that I did, but not well."

Stephanie: "Oh, I'm sorry babe. Close your eyes, or focus on one thing, like an ice skater. I learned that watching the Cutting Edge. You're welcome."

Insert Proud Mama Moment (Here)

Sully came up to me in the kitchen while I was cutting potatoes for breakfast this morning. He said "Uh oh, Mama! Poopies!" and pointed to the back of his pants.

Yay!

We high fived, a lot. See, knowing when you have a poop in your pants is something we've been working on for awhile now. This-is-a-big-deal. Its a potty milestone.

If he were in the toddler scouts, this would definitely be a badge.

I've been waiting for this moment for a few months since we busted out the potty for training. We haven't been huge sticklers about it, because I think he's still young in my opinion to go hardcore with the potty training, but we let him dictate when he's interested with it, and when he's not. I completely, 100% believe that children will let you know when they are ready to conquer huge transitions, like potty training. Its the same philosophy and approach I had when I was a nanny and then a teacher. I feel the same about his bottle. Yes, my child still gets a night time bottle. And he also gets to sleep with us when he wants. (GASP) But on his own, he's been phasing both out, without a whole lot of reinforcement from Shaun or I. He's decided on his own that he doesn't need his bottle, for the most part. And a lot of nights will opt for his bed instead of ours. It's not laziness or fear of the dreaded toddler/parent confrontation that molds our parenting style, quite the exact opposite in fact. I want him to be in a secure, confident place as he conquers these milestones. Its the same reason I let him pick out his clothes and what he wants to eat or what he wants to play.

Confidence baby.

Life is hard enough man. I'd rather work on things like him not running away from me in the park like a bat out of hell, picking up his toys or throwing that apple he's done with in the trash rather than on the floor. We tend to forget sometimes that they are still babies. I think we force too much on children way too young, but I'm digressing. That is a whole other post and tangent for a morning when more time is involved.

We've slowly have been trying to incorporate things like the potty chair out where he can get to it and practicing with his bears, flushing the toilet, talking about his big boy under-roos I put over his diaper and how cool they are - and lastly, recognizing when he has gone potty and being able to tell us. Finally! Hopefully a smooth transition is in our future down the road.



I never thought we'd be so excited about poop!

Real Conversations II

We were watching a UFC fight.

Shaun: "I would just punch them in their butthole if I was fighting. Game over"

Stephanie: "You'd be Shaun "Butt Puncher" Curtis"

Shaun: "Yeh, but I'd win. Nobody wants to be punched in their butthole."

Stephanie: "Well ...."

Pinch

Shaun asked me the other night if this is how I pictured our lives.

Sully and I played at the park under the looming rain clouds coming our way in the distance. And I thought about that question. I sat in the grass, and as I watched him, I felt the need to have to almost pinch myself. And as if on cue, I could feel the warm welling of wetness behind my eyes and my throat pinch shut just ever so slightly.

Because no, this is not how I pictured our lives.

This is so much, well, better.

I spent years attempting to bribe and strike a deal with the universe if it would just allow the stars to align and give us a shot. Those stars know my promises. They bare witness to some of my lowest points in life. Infertility is a ugly beast. A lot like a rain cloud that looms over you constantly, or in the distance.

There were times I had convinced myself that maybe there was some other plan in store for us. Maybe, being parents, just wasn't in the cards for us. There were times I was bitter, that I was angry, that I felt hopeless. Despair is one hell of a set of blinders. I couldn't see what our lives could possibly, at their best, be.

The night Sullivan was born, after everyone left, I held him, practically all night, in disbelief. Looking back, I'm certain I was in shock that all this had actually just happened to us - it felt so surreal. (I spent most of my pregnancy in shock that there was a legitimate kid in there). I told Shaun that night it was worth it. If Sullivan was our parting gift for coming in last place in the baby race, I'd go through it all again, without hesitation.

And so I sat yesterday, watching this child that at times is someone so new to me, and yet someone that I have always known - and I smiled. And I'm still at times in disbelief. Because he is amazing. Because he is hilariously funny. Because he is such a gentle soul. Because people smile when they see him. Because I am able to call him mine.

Because he makes my life so much better.

They say children are a reflection of their parents. You get out of them what you're willing to put in. I look at him and I see everything that is good about our lives. The bad no longer seems worth dwelling over. And if he is in fact my mirror reflection, than I have to say we're a couple of hilarious, happy, wacky kids.

Touche universe.

I have a lifetime of living up to my end of the bargain. But that's okay. I get a lifetime of looking at this face - it's just too damn easy to love.

But just for good measure - pinch.

Yeh, life is good baby.

Real conversations ...

Shaun: "Hey babe, if you're a zombie you'd want me to kill you right? You wouldn't want me let you wander around and eat people right?"

Stephanie: "Is Sully a zombie?"

Shaun: "No, Sully and I made it, but you didn't."

Stephanie: "Am I a cool fast zombie or a slow stupid zombie?"

Shaun: "Slow."

Stephanie: "Yeh, just put one in my head."

Shaun: "Okay."

Catching up

Things have been kind of a whirlwind the past couple of weeks. Sully has been slammed with a viral infection, an ear infection and 4 teeth coming in at once. I can count on one hand the number of times he's been REALLY sick, and by far, this was the worse. He had to get his ears drained and cleaned, and from the sounds of it, that may have to be a normal thing we do every other month. (Insert sarcastic Yippee here). Its just the way his ears are. Shaun received his first promotion at work (Congrats babe!) and hopefully up for another one by the end of this year.

We've also been elbows high into the house hunting business. We've seen about 20 homes, only one of which we really loved. At first it didn't look like we were going to be able to put in an offer, but some things changed, and now we're getting ready to place an offer afterall! We're hopeful, but guarded. We've watched enough House Hunters and Property Virgins over the years to know anything goes, so we won't be popping any bottles of champagne until we actually have keys in hand. This is such an emotionally exhausting process!

So needless to say, I totally forgot I had a few pictures from our friend's daughter's birthday earlier in October. They're really our surrogate niece and nephew. Because mom is a very private person, I felt weird putting up pictures of her kids, and I haven't had time to ask her, so I took matters into my own hands. E looks like one of Michael Jackson's kids.

I laughed.

I loved the picture though. I watched D when he was Sully's size, and the fact that he's almost old enough to watch Sully, well, it makes me just feel downright old. But Sully loves these two and had fun eating birthday cake with E and running around with D.

Halloween festivities and pictures to come soon! I seriously just wrote this entire blog with pictures in like 4 minutes flat! This seems like a very exciting post with all the exclamation marks! Too bad its not.

Fall festivities

My love affair with fall is no mystery, so when we decided to pack up and head to Underwood Farm's Fall Festival yesterday despite the rain and drizzle, I was excited. The weather was perfect to me. We were hoping the drizzle would deter people from coming, but I'm pretty sure all of Ventura County had the same idea.

We met up with Shaun's mom, and got right down to the business of stuffing our faces with fresh corn on the cob, kettle corn and caramel apples. With live music humming in the background we played, and dug and picked baby pumpkins. We laughed, and climbed and danced and hung out with some goats. The only thing we didn't get to was our tractor ride, but fear not, we're headed back again. Probably more so for me than Sully.

This time of year only lasts so long, especially in California, so trust me, I plan on making the most of it before sunscreen, shorts and blazing hot afternoons make their debut again. October is always the catalyst of what is to come in the next couple of months, and if yesterday was any indication of how it will all go, bring it, because I am so ready.

Sully's favorite - corn on the cob

"Do I have anything in my teeth Mama?"

The corn was REALLY hot, and we had to let it cool before Sully could eat it. When his Nana went to open her corn, he threw his down and exclaimed "NO NO! HOT!" and started to show her how to blow to cool it off. It was hilarious and we all laughed pretty hard.

I'm pretty sure he would eat corn on the cob three meals a day if we let him

The big giant wooden "choo choo" train

Sully exclaimed "BABY!" when he saw the baby chicks

And back to the giant train, of course

"One day, I'll be big, and you'll pay for this."

Next best thing to trains is of course giant trucks and sand

Its hard work being a kid

Sully and Daddy

I thought the little grooming brushes were adorable

A massive turkey

The train of death

On the hunt for his pumpkin in the little kids pumpkin patch

I'm not really sure why he looks like he has a load in his pants here

Lets go over here!

No, wait, over here

Actually, wait, no over here

I'm indecisive? What thats suppose to mean?!

Fine, you pick it then! I give up!

Success! Houston we have a pumpkin.

Sully, Daddy and Nana

Lovely fall colors

Sully's food heaven

A good roll in the hay, minus the girl. He won't have hay partner for like, 30 years.

My little gymnast

Being a hambone, or marking territory, I'm not really sure to be honest

Loving the tractor daddy got him

And its the big tractor parade!

We loved watching the "cars"

My little big guy

A little sad that its time to go

Happy fall ya all!