Night owl

Old habits die hard.

I've spent the past 27 years as a night owl. As a kid, my favorite times of the year were summer when we'd stay up late watching movies, Gilligans Island reruns because it was the only thing on TV and swimming under the stars in our pool. Even during the school months, I'd negotiate my way around bed time. Not even a baby it seems can change old ways.

I've been suffering bouts of insomnia, as recently as this week. It's been making getting through the days in one piece pretty rough. What sucks is that I so look forward to sleeping, but once I get there, I just lay awake, thinking thinking thinking. It doesn't help that lately I've been feeling really anxious, mainly about how busy work has been, trying to juggle work with being a mom and a wife and having a life smashed somewhere in between all of it. I haven't been feeling like I've been doing such a great job keeping all the balls up in the air at the same time. The problem is, which ones do I let drop?

At the advice of my dad, I've taken up trying to drink a glass of wine at night. I get a lot of my personality traits from my dad and his knack for anxiety and being a problematic introvert is no different. I had my first ulcer at 11. My first faint from irregular blood pressure at 17. My first EKG for irregular heart beats at 20. All stress related, every time. The first time in my life that I can remember my blood pressure not being at stroke level was when I was pregnant. Go figure. I'm convinced once work slows down and I have some breathing room, I'll start to feel better, start to get some better rest. Stop being such a cranky, snappy bitch.

I haven't ever been a wine drinker. I gave up drinking almost entirely when we were trying to get pregnant, and can count on one hand the amount of times I've drank since having Sully. Anybody have any good wine suggestions? I'm shooting in the dark. My basis for wine selection is determined by how pretty of a picture is on the label right now. So, help.

At the store looking at the selection for the first time ever

Sam: "We should just get box wine"
Me: "Look we're cheap but we ain't ghetto"

I told my boss yesterday that there is no such thing as a "break". I may have been gone for 4 months on leave, but I've been paying for it twice over every day since I've been back.

To add to the guilt, Sully has been sick for his real first time ever and I've been having some real hard emotional struggles with leaving him. I down right hate it. My mom is wonderful with him and he loves his Meme very much, but it breaks my heart when he's crying tears, sucking his bottom lip in going "Mmmmm ma ma ma". Okay so he doesn't say Mama on purpose, its just two sounds he makes a lot together, especially since he's learned to suck his bottom lip in, but he sounds exactly like Mama, accidentally or not, and it pulls my heart strings every time. My mom has had to kick me out of the house practically the past couple days. I called in sick today - partly because I was so sleep deprived between not sleeping on my own and being up with a sick Sully monster. I ended up going in towards the end of the day once he crashed while my mom sat with him. I couldn't help but think while I was at my office how nice it must be for some moms to only have to worry about their children and just their children - not fretting over time lines and budgets, workshops or meetings, frantic parent phone calls or invoices.

Shaun suggested dinner and a margarita tonight, but I opted to trade my margarita in for a slice of cake instead. This Saturday we've roped the whole family in to a weight lost challenge since it went so well a few years back. We weigh in this Saturday and have until January 1st, winner taking the entire loot. Everyone has been busy coming up with their strategic plans. I'm looking forward to having a light lit under my ass, because honestly, I've been so lazy. I'm tired of excuses, I just need to do it, because I know I can. How long can you really use the excuse "I just had a baby" before it wears out its welcome. It has. Its time for it to leave now. Once and for all.

It looks like we're heading back to Las Vegas. I promise, we don't have an addiction. Well, Shaun doesn't at least. He was the one to suggest it though. Actually my father in law was. Shaun's dad and step-mom would like to meet us in Vegas as soon as we have the time off, so we're planning to head that way in exactly one month, towards the end of October. It'll be fun to see them since they haven't seen Sully since he was about a month. Shaun's step brother is coming this time too, and its possible that my sister and one of her bff's are coming with us again - good times! I'm excited, I love having a reason to travel. It was always a dream of mine and over the years Shaun and I have been lucky enough to see a lot of the states together as well as England, Scotland, Japan and Ireland. We were suppose to be planning a trip to Italy next June before Sully came along (It was our goal to visit a new country every other year). Since that won't be happening for awhile now, we're planning to do as much state side travel as we can - and I love Vegas so why the hell not. We'd love to go to the East coast at some point, and have been talking about a West coast trip up to Canada. I'm hoping we'll be able to get around to seeing my family up north some time early next year as well as visiting TX to see Shaun's fam and some good family friends. I'm excited. Nothing makes me happier than planning trips.

Shaun and I are planning on getting some new tattoos, but more on those when the day actually comes. The wine is starting to kick in anyhow.

Maybe its finally drowning that damn owl if I'm lucky.