LAX

I remember now why I've spent so many years rolling up to the curb of LAX and kicking them out - tuck and roll style.

I hate goodbyes.

I genuinely suck at them.

I usually just don't do them.

Missy says she still remembers the first time when she left and I was 7 or 8, and I didn't show up to say goodbye, because it was too hard for me - and how that still upsets her now to think I was that upset that I wouldn't show up. I guess some things don't change.

So this time I took Sully and we braved it - mainly so he could have extra time with Sakura, see some airplanes and hopefully understand a little why they had to leave, and where they were going. I know he won't remember a whole lot about these past 4 weeks, if anything at all ... and that breaks my heart. I wish he understood. I'm not looking forward to the days to come when he asks for her, and she's nowhere near - in the context of what he understands his world to be right now. But I feel so extremely fortunate that his world extends across miles of ocean - he just doesn't know that yet, but someday he will.

I wish I had more to say about the past month, but right now,

I'm still hung up on the tear-filled goodbyes from this afternoon.

Thinking about the numerous hugs Sully gave Sakura when he realized she was crying.

Her sobbing "I love you."

Their amazingly special bond forged out of this time they had.

Still thinking about and how quickly this month was here and gone.

Anticipating for when he'll ask for her.

Him blowing them kisses until they disappeared from his view.

Me using his shirt to wipe my mascara ruined face.

How Sully sadly said in the car,

"Mama, Missy and Sakura in airplane to go home. Go back. Do it again"

and me trying to explain why we couldn't.

About how I should have just kicked them out on the curb.

Okay so not really.

Maybe.

Damnit.

I'm glad we went.

I' m happy we had those precious extra 60 minutes.

Its good to miss people.

Its good to want, and wait and anticipate their eventual arrival again.

To plan for all the adventures and memories the next time around.

But we're still going to miss them terribly in that time in between.

Sakura is turning into an amazing young person, Missy.

You are so incredibly lucky.

She's wonderful and patient and kind, and oh so loving with Sully.

I can't get over each year how she grows more,

in so many ways.

And as always, I look forward to the

late night conversations over coffee.

Catching up.

Laughing.

Maybe even the Spaghetti Center next time. (Laughing)

Twenty three years, and still never gets any

easier.

And because I still suck at goodbyes -

Here's until next August.

We love you guys.