"Oh, life is like that.
Sometimes, at the height of our revelries, when our joy is at it's zenith -
When all is most right with the world,
the most unthinkable disasters descend upon us."
- A Christmas Story
This Christmas definitely had the potential to be the ugly red-headed bully of them all. A F-dash-dash-dash kind of holiday. A C+, you'll shoot your eye out, leg lamp breaker - end of year send out.
On the morning of the Sunday before last, December 18th, we received a horribly unexpected phone call. Shaun's step-mom, my father-in-law John's wife, passed away suddenly. With no warning. With no sign. She simply, was just gone. Without hesitation we started looking for the quickest flight we could get Shaun on so he could get to Texas. He left Wednesday morning and returned late last night. Our hearts are still with them in Texas, and I think they will be for a long time. Its still hard to wrap our heads around the fact that she's gone. I still can't believe it.
Since we were at LAX last night picking up Shaun, it obviously means he wasn't home for the holidays. And while I cried more than my fair share every time "I"ll be home for Christmas" came on the radio during the week, I cried more about the shitty circumstances of why he wasn't home. I cried for my brother-in-law. I cried for my father-in-law. For my husband. For Helen - a wonderful, no shit kind of person who loved her family dearly and shouldn't be gone. For my son who will now only ever know his Grandma Texas through all of us. I cried because the box of gifts and pictures Sully hand picked and drew for his grandparent's and uncle sat in my car all week as I drove around everywhere, unsure of what to do with them. I cried that we'll never see her again - that I had to explain what dying was to my two year old son. Thanks Lion King for assisting me on that one. (Sully: Daddy went on a plane to Texas. Grandpa was sad. Me: Do you understand why Grandpa was sad? Sully: Because Grandma died-ed. Like Simba's Daddy. Sully is sad like Simba. Me: Cue tears.) I know some people disagree about me being truthful with my son in regards to everything that happened this week. Without giving some long explanation about why I handled it the way I did I will say this - I did what was best for my son. He needed to know it was okay to feel sad, to feel a little hurt, to understand why Mommy was pissed off at the universe for a couple days. While I would never give him more than what I feel he is capable of processing and understanding, I will never be anything but truthful with him when its asked of me.
After a couple days Sully and I unpacked the Christmas box that should have been in Texas. We hung the ornaments Sully picked for everyone on our tree this year. When the time is right we'll send Grandpa John and Uncle Matt theirs. We've decided to keep Grandma Helen's castle ornament. It found a deserving place on our tree and it just feels right to keep something Sully was so excited about giving her. It allows for him to have a small way and reason to connect with the fact she was once here, and she loved him. I think that's important, to all of us.
Shaun got home safe and things will start to get back to normal, whatever that really means anyways. Our Christmas was postponed to this week, which is probably just as well since Sully came down with the flu Friday morning and just yesterday started feeling better.
Sully and I along with my two dogs attempted to spend Christmas Eve at my parent's after they called us while we were hanging out at Chuck-E-Cheese and insisted we couldn't spend it alone. About 3:30 that morning my mom came into the guest room where I was sleeping (Sully had crashed in their bed) saying he was running a pretty decent fever again. I tried for awhile to get him back to sleep, but he just kept crying he wanted to go home. Fast forward to 4:30 AM and I'm outside getting my dogs and kid BACK into the truck like some maniac fleeing a Christmas murder scene and driving us home while I sing the Christmas classic Livin' on a Prayer by Bon Jovi at the top of my lungs trying to stay awake. If you can't laugh, what can you do?
About the time everyone in CA was waking up to open presents, we were heading to bed, finally. My sister and her fiance brought us afternoon breakfast and hung out for awhile. They took Sully to the park so I could shower for the first time in almost a week in peace and make a few phone calls. We all headed back to my folks house where we had a Christmas feast of Del Taco drive through and watched a movie while my dad and mom kept Sully busy in the office. Every time someone would ask how I was I'd reply "Living the dream." and we'd laugh. It was a weird day, it was a weird week - but it could have always been worse. It had its moments. It was hard, in a lot of ways, but I'm never one to shy away from a challenge. Making lemonade out of lemons.
I'm looking forward to Christmas Part Deux this weekend. I have A Christmas Story on DVD ready to be played and then played again while we wrap Santa presents this Saturday evening. I have Santa cookies that are begging to be baked and reindeer food that's calling to be left outside for Santa's reindeer. The decorations are staying up, and thanks to the year-round holiday music on demand, the music isn't going away anytime soon either.
I'm learning - in so many ways - that life is what you make of it. You can either be a victim or a survivor. You can choose to cry or choose to laugh. You can feel sorry for yourself and those around you or you can do something about it. You can be the kind of person that just writes the whole thing off, or the kind of person that calls up North and asks to speak to the fat man in red and see if he can pull some string for you.
I choose to laugh.
I choose to be a favor caller.
A play-by-my-own-rules setter.
A make my own magic kind of gal.
Because life is short.
Because its the best way I know how to honor somebody.
I choose to make lemonade out of lemons, baby.
The wait. You have no idea how excited this child was. He just stood, danced and sat looking at this door for 20 minutes (the flight was delayed)
The payoff.
Thanks for getting him home safe you guys.
