"Everybody knows how to raise children - Except the people that have them" PJR

I never realized how anti-routine Shaun and I were until Sully came along. We've spent almost a decade doing whatever we wanted whenever we wanted, to no real schedules of our owns.

Its been a struggle, but we've been trying really hard to get Sully into a "real" routine now that he's starting to get a little bigger and sleeping more consistently through the night. Unfortunately for us, that means after 8:00 pm, no more going out and about - at least with a baby in tow. Its a huge change, but we're learning to adjust. We go out for a family walk when Shaun gets home for work and then have dinner, usually. Dinner time is now followed by a bath and then quiet play, a book and then bed ... where my child willingly and quietly falls into a night time slumber.

Yeh
friggen
right.

More like screams his head off at pitches I was pretty sure only a dog could hear.

Did I mention he's also learned to roll out of his positioner and will now crawl around his crib, while howling, until he's able to find a space between the bumper and the crib to peer out of - find you - and scream like he's on fire?

There are aspects of attached-parenting that I find Shaun and I tend to gravitate towards naturally. I also think though, there are benefits of a child learning to put them self to sleep. I've practiced CIO (The cry-it-out method aka Ferber Method) on children I've been a nanny to in the past, and I think it works. Don't get me wrong - I hate hearing babies scream, but I also know through experience that it eventually gets better, lessens a little more each night, with eventually the crying ceasing all together. So I guess you can say I've learned to tolerate it. Shaun is not a fan of the CIO method, and for the first time since Sully was born, we had our first head-butting of parental philosophy.

Shaun thinks its cruel and unusual punishment. I have to admit, I was a little surprised by how much of a softy my husband really can be when it comes to his kid. I always thought he would be the one to throw down the law. Slowly, I'm the one emerging as the ball buster of the two - laying down rules and routines. Maybe it's just my personality, maybe its just because through experience, I know how chaotic things can quickly turn without structure. I'm not 100% sure yet.

What I am sure of is that I want something that both of us can feel comfortable with. Shaun doesn't think he should cry himself to sleep and I don't think he should be allowed to determine his own bedtime. We both agree he needs to start learning the skills to comfort himself and ultimately be a better sleeper. I don't think it has to be all or nothing. I never thought something as little as a sleep routine would upset me so much, but it has. I've cried some tears over it - wondering if what I'm doing is right for my child and feeling like I'm forcing Shaun into doing something he doesn't want to, because as he says, I'm the experienced one. I feel so much pressure with that one statement. The experienced one - so if things go south, I need to be the one willing to take responsibility, not us.

I hate being on opposite sides of the fence.

We had another conversation last night about it, after Shaun went to get him out of bed once I had finally put him down - Sully obviously being upset by this act. I tried explaining to Shaun that its not that I don't want to hold him, or cuddle, or sing to him, but after so long of him pulling his pacifier out and laughing or wanting to talk, I need to eventually get the point across that this isn't playtime. Shaun said he just wanted somebody with him because he was lonely. I felt my heart crush into a million pieces. Have I made the wrong choice or am I just feeling guilty? I mean, it doesn't have to be all or nothing, right? Whether I agree or not, I respect my husbands opinion, and ultimately want to find something that we can both feel good about.

I stumbled across some sleeping practices referred to as No Tear methods. They're a self proclaimed middle ground between attachment parenting and CIO. I think starting tonight we'll give it a go. Its essentially what we've been trying to do, but instead of letting him cry it out, we respond immediately, quietly and pick him up until he calms, then place him back to bed. We keep repeating until he eventually falls asleep. It can be an arduous task, often taking numerous repeats throughout the night. I'm willing to try it if it points us in the right direction. I just want it to be something we can both live with and not feel like we're torturing our child in the process.

God this was so much easier when it was other people's kids.