Five things they don't tell you in all the baby books

A little background. My sister had a baby today. My first niece. Its kind of a big deal. =) There are seven years that separate my sister and I. I married young, when she was just 14 years old. I didn't have children until later in my marriage, my sister got pregnant early on in hers. As the universe would have it, our babies are 10 months a part. Well my younger baby anyways. Between a span of 5 years, we now have 3 children. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought we would be raising our babies, together. The kids I thought that would be mine and teenagers when my sister's came along, will now run in the same friendship circles, start school at the same time and reach lifelong milestones, together. Their memories will be of each other, growing up side by side. I'm extremely proud of everything my sister accomplished today. Bringing a new life into this world is no small feat. It reminded me of 10 short months ago, sitting in the same hospital one room over from my sister's, holding my second son. It seems forever ago and yesterday all at once. Time is funny that way ... 

In short, Sissy, welcome to the parent club. I can't wait to take all the little heathens camping. This ones for you.

Welcome to the lifelong art of winging it .... 

You're going to get home a little shell shocked that the hospital just handed you a baby, your baby, and didn't require you to take a test or show identification or at least make sure you can recite the ABC nursery rhyme before sending you packing. You'll place her down gently for the first time in her nursery you spent months agonizing over, and as you huddle around her bassinet staring down at the wonder that is now her, you realize, I don't have a fucking clue what I'm doing. Don't panic. Neither do any of the rest of us. As a parent you become an aficionado in the lifelong art of winging it. I can't count the amount of times Shaun has looked at me and said "What do we do, WHAT DO WE DO, this is your area!" to which I've replied "I've got nothing man. I've got nothing! Google it!" It's a scary place to come to the realization; I. Know. Nothing. But it's also a beautiful place. You will learn more about yourself, your relationships with others and what you are truly capable of, more than you ever thought possible, in this place. Allow yourself room to grow, to bend, to learn and expand. You’ll learn to think out of the box, go with the flow and improvise. And laugh. Laugh a lot. It will save your sanity.

Opinions are like assholes ... 

Everyone has one, especially when it comes to babies. From that sweet old lady in the check-out line to young kids, everyone will have something to say about what you’re doing, and 99% of the time it will be because you’re not doing it their way. Do yourself a favor and save yourself a lot of grief by following these 3 simple steps; 1. Smile 2. Nod 3. Say thank you. People love to … “help” … and for the most part its harmless. People are going to give you their opinions, good or bad, A LOT. You can't sweat it. Ever. Just, don’t even worry about a response. Honestly, it’s not worth it unless you feel like debating with a 5 year old for 10 minutes why you aren’t changing his brother’s diaper the right way. Take what you want and leave what you don't at the wayside. Ultimately you're going to find what works best for your family and do what you want anyways, but they don't need to know that. Just smile, and nod and plan your grocery list in your head while they talk. Multitasking!

Speaking of opinions, let her eat the skittles ... 

For god sakes, just let them eat the skittles every now and then. As a parent you're going to see the world in a completely different way. Everything becomes a hazard, potential danger, threat ... EVERYTHING. And I can think of about a million worse things (war, pedophiles, choking hazards, drugs, running with scissors, threatening dogs, car accidents, the opposite sex, illness, underage drinking, Miley Cyrus) then letting them eat what they want from time to time. I'm here to help them make good choices, not police them. Remember, a little red dye from time to time never killed anybody and what others (coughgrandparentscough) choose to give them isn't a reflection of you as a parent. Grandma use to keep candy stocked in her trunk. You would have been sad if mom and dad would have denied you trunk candy. Everyone needs a little trunk candy in their life. Let her have some trunk candy every now and then.

You're going to learn more by being wrong ... 

Than you ever will in the times you are right. Becoming a parent was and is the most humbling experience I have ever encountered in my life. You will never so quickly pick a part your own flaws and question every part of your being as you will now. You'll re-examine who you are through the eyes of this new little person and sometimes it will be depressing, make you want to cry and eat an entire pint of Ben & Jerry's. It will be easy at times to beat yourself up over things, to realize after the fact there were a thousand different ways you could have handled a situation. But as Elsa and Anna would say, let it go, let it go! This entire thing is one big giant learning curve. Be okay with admitting your wrongs when they happen. I've had my fair share of sit downs with my tail between my legs when I apologized for the way I said or reacted to the way the kiddos did or said something. Everyone makes mistakes. It’s how we deal with the aftermath that develops and strengthens our characters. Be okay with letting them see that. Even when they're reminding you for the millionth time "about that one time when you yelled at me but I didn't do it and you made me cry and were kind of mean and then you said sorry and I said it was okay because I'm nice, right mom? Do you remember that mom? When you were mean? And I cried? Do you remember mom and you yelled, loud. Really loud, remember mom?" Humble pie man.

This is the hardest job you will ever have ... 

But by no means is it a sacrifice. A sacrifice implies that you gave up something better in the place of parenthood. And while we give up a lot (sleep, traveling with only a carry-on, movies without cartoon characters, eating meals that last longer than 5 minutes, going to the bathroom by ourselves, uninterrupted phone conversations, our youth, our sanity ...) there isn't anything I can think of that could possibly have ever been any better than these boys in my messy house that hang out in the bathroom reading books and singing songs while I shower and that take over my bed every night. They’ve taken over my life, in the very, absolute best way possible. Theres going to be beautiful highs and extreme lows, sometimes all within a 10 minute span of one another. There will be moments you feel as though you can't breathe from the stress or frustration or lack of sleep of it all and times you feel as though you can’t breathe from the awe and wonder and love in it all. You will simultaneously beg time to speed up and slow down. You'll be the first one up and the last to sleep. You'll also always be the last one to eat so just get use to it now. Nothing will ever be sacred on your plate again. There will be times when all you want to be is alone and times you will feel nothing but alone. It’s not always kittens and rainbows and mom’s smiling on the cover of those parenting magazines. It’s more like kittens shitting out rainbows all over themselves and onto that clean sheet you just changed for the 10^th time and that clean shirt you just put on. But its also fun, and comical and endearing. Its first words and steps and belly laughs. Its fort building, sand in their toes and watching them see the ocean for the first time. Its silly jokes, broken furniture, messy houses and chocolate milk mustaches. Its first goals, planting sunflowers and watching them make friendships, turn into little independent people and grow. It's boo-boo kisses, dates at the zoo and the smell of a baby sleeping on your chest that smells of sunscreen after a day in the pool. Its singing first songs, first Christmases, first crushes and knowing that it won't last forever. It's a hard job, in so many ways. As parents we learn to constantly toe that fine line of parenting within and without of the boundaries, we teach and learn, lead by example and sometimes by not-such-good-examples. (Remember when S. went through his shit and damnit phase?!) We love and love while learning to let go, a little bit at a time. The best compliment I ever received from S. was him telling me I was the silliest and funniest mom he knew. Don't ever take this job so seriously that you forget to have fun. Its the best part about it. And they're pretty good about not letting us forget it.

Remember, parenthood is truly a journey. Sometimes you land right where you expect when you expect to. Other times, not so much. Be okay with going off the beaten path at times, detouring when it calls for it. The ride can seem long at times. The road will look uncertain in places. There will be stretches you're unable to see what lays ahead. But this ride, it's a beautiful one. Don't become so consumed with reaching the destination that you forget to look out the windows from time to time. It's a breathtaking view. I promise.

Enjoy where it leads you all. Always.