Whiz Kid

Let this be known as the day I almost put you up for adoption. 

I had planned a post, a post about how it was unfair to call this "potty training" because really -

one day you just did it. No training really involved.

And we haven't looked back since.

No anticipation. 

No talk and build up to get us there.

You just had underwear on one day &

kept them on. 

And on. 

So we ditched the diapers that day.

You've stayed dried through naps, through bed time.

You don't have to be reminded to go.

We don't use daytime pullups.

4 weeks on and only 3 accidents which occurred the first 2 days and none since.

You have a cool sticker chart you've been rocking the pants off of.

Until this morning.

When you woke up saying you had pee'd in your bed.

No biggie. It happens.

And then this morning happened.

You protested you wanted to go in the other bathroom upstairs.

I told you to go in the downstairs potty.

You protested, and screamed. So it certainly wasn't happening now.

"Go potty now" I sternly instructed, trying to nip the impending tantrum in the bud.

Maybe you took my words too literally.

You looked at me, defiantly - pouted out lip into an angry frown, eyebrows furrowed ...

and you pissed.

All over yourself.

All over the floor.

The pedestal sink.

The step-stool. 

The base of the toilet.

The wall.

The wood floor.

I stood stunned at first as I watched a wave of yellow rain drench everything within aiming range.

The way I yelled "NOOOOOoooo" must have been a way you never heard.

Like Hulk-Smash kind of yell.

Because you actually startled and turned white.

(I felt bad after)

I actually yelled in the barrage of words flowing from my mouth if you wanted to be put up for adoption.

I was SO mad.

You've never done anything quite that-on-purpose because you were angry.

You're lucky we don't spank, because I seriously would have strangled you.

So I handed you a towel and made you clean it all up.

And then yourself. 

You got no TV.

You were not given a breakfast choice.

You ate it, nervously glancing up at me, not saying a word.

You said you were sorry you pee'd on purpose and you would listen next time.

On your own.

Then you gave up a million kisses and said sorry again & again.

We're friends now. We hugged it out.

No way I could ever drop you off at school mad.

You're lucky we've grown fond of you.

But do it again and I swear to Jeebus you'll find your ass outside of PETCO next time.